Cancer - to me it's a poisonous word...I want it to have no place in my family, and yet here we are and it does. It's a scary and numbing thing...because what can you really do for the person who has it? Nothing....it's the one disease that you can do nothing to really help except be there, and even then that can only go so far.
I'm not even sure how I completely feel about it at this point. All I know is that my emotions are all over the place and I'm hating how it makes each day seem. I want to be happy cause life is still going, and putting on a brave face because I need to in order for this person to stay positive and happy...but then I am struck with moments of pure anger. Anger, because how come this person has to be struck with this disease? Why now? It's not fair! And then there is the sadness...because there has been a time limit put on the life....and is it selfish that I want more memories...I'm sad that I may not get to share the biggest life-changing memories in my life and I want those memories....and then there is guilt that I am thinking more about how this is affecting me and not always thinking about how it must be affecting *m*.
I just want to get out of here...I hate being so far away and it's not fair! I feel completely cut off and now that time is short....I'm angry that I have to spend most of mine away from this person.....when all I want to do is be at their side! :(
Too many emotions....too many thoughts....and the one person I'd be able to talk to about how I'm feeling, I can't because it's them who has this poisonous disease! :'(
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